“It can be hard to change your habits. You should set yourself a challenge.” I sat across from her in a squeaky chair. Her clinic smelled of disinfectant.
So I woke up earlier. I pressed my body down just low of the ground and back up again. I went from 0 push-ups to 5. I cut my visits to the gelato place around the corner. I missed the sugar-y rush followed by the comatose feeling having too much ice cream gave me. But overall the changes made me feel different. Good different.
Two weeks later I signed up for the damn 5 k race, and told myself it wouldn’t be hard. That’s how far the fitness freaks at work ran every day, and they seemed to love life. Maybe if they knew I ran they might even acknowledge me in the office kitchen.
A few days before, I wanted to back out. I told myself I’d been smart enough to not tell anyone I signed up for the race, in case this happened and I had to admit I’d failed.
“On the days you feel like giving up, think of all the other days when you kept going.”
I joined the crowd of neon green shirts with the words “fun run” in uppercase letters printed on the front. Everyone looked ecstatic. What is it about running for five kilometres until a finish line that makes you better than anyone?
“Is this your first run too?” I finally said to the unaccompanied woman standing near me, who kept looking over with keen eyes. Everyone else seemed to have someone to do this with. Maybe she didn’t want to feel left out.
“No, but you’re brave to be doing this one first!”
“I thought everyone started out with 5 k."
“But this is the 10 k run.”
‘You should set yourself a challenge’. I wondered if the challenge was the run or the changes I made.
I had to leave. “Hey…” Long pause. “You!” it was Stefan, whose office kitchen banter consisted of how he got to work that morning – by this point everyone knew that some days he rode his bike, others he jogged. ‘It’s a great start to my day’, I’d hear him say. He had an incredible ability to make you hate him no matter what came out of his mouth. “The starting line is the other way.”
“Stefan, right? I didn’t think you ran 10 k.”
“Just a bit of fun, you know.”
“I signed up for the wrong race. I thought this was the 5 k.” Being honest with a stranger gave me a sense of freedom.
“Well, you're already here... What, are you going to give up now?"
"I guess I am." As I was turned away towards the exit, I thought of all the other days I kept going.